


Hell with Hope

by siephilde42



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester Has Feelings, Don't copy to another site, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Kissing, M/M, Purgatory, Purgatory Sex, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:40:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28150002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siephilde42/pseuds/siephilde42
Summary: In Purgatory, Dean feels certain things.
Relationships: Benny Lafitte & Dean Winchester, Benny Lafitte/Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 30





	Hell with Hope

Dean pants, feeling the hands over all his body.

"Oh", he groans.

The hands slide further down.

"Feels so good", he mutters.

They settle down between his legs.

"Jesus Christ. Ah..."

He gasps for breath.

"Fuck. Benny", he moans.

"Dean."

"Ah." His voice sounds ragged. "I would not have thought..."

" _Dean._ " The voice sounds piercing, impatient.

"Wha- ", Dean asks, opening his eyes.

"Dean, we need to proceed", Benny says, his hand on Dean's shoulder.

Dean blinks, now fully awake.

_Oh no. What the hell did I just dream? Fuck._

He jumps up, decidedly avoiding Benny's eyes.

Later, as they walk, he tries to tell himself that it means nothing. Nothing at all.

_It must be Purgatory. I only dreamed this because we are here._

For a moment, this relieves him. Then it hits him. _What if I'm right? Then I dreamed it because everything is more pure here, isn't it? Because I'm more myself._

He ponders this for a moment, then shakes his head. "I'm not gay", he mutters under his breath.

This seems to get Benny's attention since the vampire turns around.

_Fuck. Vampire hearing. I should have thought of that._

Benny seems quite amused. "I never said you were."

Dean feels his face's color turn into crimson red. "Of course not. I, uh...", he stammers, not sure what he even wants to say. It does not help that Benny is looking at him in a sympathetic manner with those blue eyes of his.

The vampire shots him another understanding glance before he faces forward again. "It's a confusing place at times, huh?"

Dean does not answer, glad when Benny shows no indication of pressing the issue further.

He swallows. _Doesn't matter anyway. Need to find Cas._

At this thought, his heart starts to flutter like a wounded bird, and for the briefest of moments there in Purgatory, Dean admits to himself how he feels. _I cannot imagine my life without him anymore. And I don't want to. How the hell did that happen?_

Then he, of course, pushes the thought away again. Because, even there in Purgatory, he is mortally scared of this thought and what it might mean. So as quickly as it flickers up, it dies down again, burrowing itself into the deepest recesses of his mind.

*

*

*

It is not until several years later that he hears the following question.

"When did you first realize, anyway?"

"Realize what?", Dean asks back, looking at the smiling face.

"That you love me."

Dean chuckles. "Honestly, I'm not sure. It might have been back in..." He shakes his head helplessly, grinning. "I don't know. Does it matter?"

"No." Eyes like the sky beam at him. "It only matters that you know now."

"Oh, believe me, I _do_ know now, angel", Dean answers and leans downward to kiss him.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is based on this quote “Purgatory is hell with hope.” ― Philip José Farmer, To Your Scattered Bodies Go.  
> (I found the quote online, but do not know his work. It seems like something I might look into, however.)
> 
> ====================================================================================
> 
> If you'd like to scream over Destiel, Saileen or the show in general with me, you can follow me under @loves_deancas on Twitter. (My other Twitter account @siephilde42 is mainly for Good-Omens related content.)


End file.
